It’s impossible to wade into the world of dating without occasionally (or, for many of us, more than occasionally) spotting some red flags.
While these little warning signs don’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed from the start or beginning to fizzle out, they do mean the two of you probably need to sit down and check in on where it’s going and what each of you wants.
Here are 12 signals that are super easy to accidentally overlook:
1. You’re always messaging them first. And I mean literally always. Sure, he’s super responsive once you start talking, but if you weren’t the one starting conversations, would they even happen?
. They don’t respond to you on social media. If they’re chatty over text and when you’re curled up together on the couch, but silent when other people might see, that’s a bigger problem than it might appear. Sure, communication you have one-on-one is a million times more important than performing your relationship over social media, but radio silence on the internet kind of makes it seem like they’re trying to keep the relationship hidden.
4. They’re not as physically affectionate as they once were. Getting more comfortable in a relationship means the new-ness of it all starts to fade, and that can include the intense PDA you guys indulged in during your first weeks together. Being able to spend time together without constantly sucking face shows a maturity in the relationship, but it’s totally OK to want some of that back if its absence is notable.
5. More often than not, you find yourself trying to fill awkward silences. While no couple should be expected to have full-on intense conversations every second of the day, long silences aren’t great either. If they’re uncomfortable rather than natural, you’ve got a problem.
6. You’re slowly letting your guilty pleasure slip away. Starting a new relationship gives you all kinds of reasons to shake up your routine. So it totally stands to reason you’ll have fewer nights to binge-watch the Kardashians on your couch if you’re going on more and more dates. But even if your weeks and nights are filled with exciting, fulfilling dates/adventures/sex with your new partner, letting your own self-care routines fall by the wayside is a big deal. Don’t forget about taking *~yourself~* on dates every one in awhile.
7. They’ve stopped doing the little things you fell in love with. Yes, the honeymoon phase has to end eventually, but does that really mean no more good-morning texts? No more spontaneous surprises? No more weekly nights out? It’s easy to feel like those things are expendable, but if you’ve brought this to their attention and they still can’t toss in a tiny, romantic gesture every now and then, beware.
8. You’re obsessively checking what they’re doing online. The average human checks Facebook about 10 million times a day, so it’s easy to see a little social media stalking as completely normal. And especially since if you’re feeling distant IRL, it’s natural to try and bridge that gap by seeing what they’re up to online. However, this can lead to paranoia, which can be incredibly destructive to a relationship. Why does it seem like they’re talking to everyone else but you?!??!!
9. You guys are Netflix and chilling more than you’re wining and dining. Nobody has time for elaborate dates every other night, but if the only times you see each other are for sex and Orange Is the New Black, you may need to redefine your relationship.
10. They’re never the one to make plans. While you guys go out and do fun things all the time, it’s becoming more and more apparent that you’re the only one who orchestrates them. While it could totally just be because they know you have great ideas, maybe suggest that they take charge of the next date.
11. You’re constantly venting to your friends. The occasional rant to your BFF about a fight you guys got in or a comment they made is totally justified. However, there’s a difference between getting something off your chest and being full-on poisoned by your own drama.
12. It feels like too much effort to address it. If all these tiny things have happened to you but you just don’t feel like bringing it up, revaluate. If you don’t feel the relationship is worth working on, then it’s not worth being in.