When Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage

Jealousy, in itself, is not a sin, according to the Bible God is “jealous” when we put other priorities and gods before Him.

In one instance, we’re told in 2 Corinthians 11 that Paul was jealous “with a godly jealousy.

So there are times when being jealous has its merits. But jealousy IS a sin when a person becomes ‘envious, boastful, rude and self-seeking’ (referred to in 1 Corinthians 13).

Jealousy can threaten and even destroy your marriage.

Dr Charles Swindoll refers to jealousy in his book, Marriage… From Surviving to Thriving:

Few things turn off a mate faster than a suspicious, insecure, smothering and protectiveness. A jealous lover’s first concern is for self, which is the exact opposite of agape love (which is the type of love that God requires of marriage partners). Rather than being patient, the jealous lover zealously pursues what he or she wants, even to the extreme of controlling someone else.”

Blind Jealousy

This goes along with the saying, “It is not love that is blind, but jealousy” (Laurence Durrell). Blind jealousy is destructive in a marital relationship. You need to control or eliminate it from your marriage, because of its toxicity.

As Ron Deal (the President of SuccessfulStepfamilies.com) points out:

Our research revealed that feelings of jealousy (fear of being replaced), suspicion (trouble believing their partner), worry (how their mate’s previous sexual experiences compare to theirs), and fear (afraid of another relationship breakup) predict with nearly 93 percent accuracy couples with high versus low-quality relationships. Fears erode confidence and set the couple up to interpret benign behaviours in cancerous ways.
Jealousy can also related to the stepfamily dynamic. In biological families, for example, when a parent spends time with their children it also cares for the marriage. That is not necessarily so in remarriages. Nearly half (46%) of unhappy partners feel left out when their spouse spends time with their children. This is just another example of how first marriages and remarriages differ. A key point of our research is that an astonishing 7 of the top 12 stumbling blocks for remarriage couples are related to past relationship breakups, or because of the complications of being in a stepfamily.

Jealousy Can Act as a Poison

So, just how do you handle your irrational jealous feelings so they no longer poison your marriage? The central questions about feelings of jealousy are: Do we need to swallow our feelings and ‘buck up’? Do our feelings of insecurity entitle us to demand that our mate changes his or her behavior? If we believe our mate is too chummy with a member of the opposite sex, do we have the right to ask/insist on ‘hedges of protection,’ or must we listen to them when they tell us, ‘there’s nothing to worry about?’

To read answers to these questions that Dr David Hawkins poses, plus more, please click onto the Crosswalk.com article below to read:

JEALOUSY: Who’s At Fault?

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Dr David Hawkins goes on to give additional help. He writes:

“Many problems in relationships are thorny and difficult to resolve. Jealousy, it seems to me, is an easy one to eliminate. In my book, Nine Lifesavers for Every Couple I discuss the following guidelines that should be part of every relationship wanting to eliminate feelings of jealousy in their relationship.”

To learn Dr Hawkins’ guidelines plus guidelines by Dr Gary and Barb Rosberg, please read:



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Monica A. Frank, PhD has written a very helpful article on this subject where she points out:

The more you are aware of your behaviours and other’s behaviour that may maintain the beliefs, then you will be able to make better choices that can allow you to control the jealousy.  It’s especially important to develop awareness of this. You may need to spend some time at this point to assess your jealousy, the behaviours, and the outcomes based on the behaviours.
HOW DO YOU STOP IRRATIONAL JEALOUSY? Once you have determined the behaviour, then you can make choices to change the behaviour. Even though these feelings seem uncontrollable, that doesn’t mean they are uncontrollable. However, you may need to make a commitment to the hard work involved in making changes.”

Source: marriagemissions.