Fun fact: People over 30 who are single are not lepers! There’s literally nothing wrong with people who haven’t found the one by the time they hit 30.
And Redditors over 30 are here to explain exactly why they’ve chosen to be single — and if they haven’t chosen singlehood, how they’ve come to terms with their situation.
While there’s the occasional sad story, most are pretty empowering. Maybe don’t tell these people to sign up for a dating app?
1. “I just grew accustomed to flying solo.”
“48-year-old female here, been single for nearly 20 years. Serious trust issues prevented me from pursuing anything after my last relationship, and I just grew accustomed to flying solo. Now I’m of the mind that if it happens, it happens. If not, well, that’s okay, I’m already used to it being this way.” —eyeslikepotatoes.
2. “I have not met anyone worth changing the way I live for.”
“38 [year-old] female here. I’m pretty much the same. I have not met anyone worth changing the way I live for.” —kmturg
“I gave up years ago. Between hobbies and work, not a whole lot [of time] for anything else. I barely socialize as it is, given the 5-7 people I talk to on a daily basis. I don’t ’mingle,’ I don’t party, I don’t go out. There’s all of one person I’m interested in right now and he said no.” —Iomma
4. “I had people say I was intimidating once.”
“I (a gal in her early thirties) have always been single. I think part of it was simply a lack of luck/good timing growing up; I can’t really figure out what happened there, but I just never got asked out and I was way too shy to ask anyone out. Not ugly, not really pretty, just normal or plain or whatever, so I think I just get kind of passed over. Had people say I was intimidating once, I guess maybe because I’m getting my doctorate? I don’t know, I don’t really see that. I’m easygoing. Moderate social anxiety doesn’t help, though I do put myself out there from time to time. I try to console myself by pointing out that I am too busy to have a social life right now anyway…it sort of helps.” —Alter-me
5. “I don’t have the time or inclination to put up with people who half-ass their relationships.”
“I’ll echo the ’not single, single again’ piece. I’m close to forty, and I don’t have the time or inclination to put up with people who half-ass their relationships or don’t want to take responsibility for things in their life that need addressing. I do have a lot of grace if you’re working on something, or need help (maybe especially if you need help), but if they aren’t willing to be accountable for things in their life, it’s not my job to do it for you. I am however, interested in lots of other fun things, so I get by with good friends who I don’t date. I also tend to have a guy friends who act like we are dating but we aren’t.” —Merry_Pippins<am< em=””>
6. “I do know that I enjoy my freedom.”
“30-year-old here. I’ve been divorced for a year and a half now. Right after the divorce, I decided to get myself together before dating again. Since then I’ve dated a few times but I haven’t met anybody that I’ve wanted to continue dating. Honestly, right now I’m in a really good place. I have my own place, a job that I like that doesn’t require me to work on my time off, and a dog who at times is an asshole. I’m happy right now. That may or may not be because I’m single, but I do know that I enjoy my freedom. I’m not worried about meeting someone. That day will come and if it doesn’t, oh well. I’ve spent too much of my life worrying about the future and thinking about the ’what ifs.’ I’m finally at the point in my life where I have the time and money to do what I want and right now all I want to do is enjoy life.” —WorkRedditEqualsFun
7. “It’s the best time of my life.”
“Because being single is more enjoyable…at least for me. I always tried to make others happy, now it’s my turn. Single, happy and care free for 6 years, it’s the best time of my life.” —kafka
8. “It’s a combination of being picky and not meeting anyone that I really felt like was on the same page.”
“Turning 31 in December. I’ve actually grown more comfortable with being single as I progressed through my 20s. For me, it’s a combination of being picky and not meeting anyone that I really felt like was on the same page as what I was hoping to get out of a relationship. My longest relationship was about 6 months, with most lasting about two. I know most of that is me, but it doesn’t bother me like it used to. The stress of being in a relationship with someone you aren’t fully into is way worse than the stress of being single.”—lanthanide