“Mr. Right” only appears after “Ms. Right” shows up.
Yes, it’s that same old advice you heard in kindergarten when your mom told you how to make friends.
“If you want to have a good friend you first must learn to be a good friend.”
Let me show you how to apply that principle to find the man of your dreams.
Let’s say your ideal man gets up most mornings by 5:30 AM to take a jog down Michigan Avenue by the lake in Chicago.
How likely is it that you’re going to find him by joining your girlfriend for a night out at the local bar scene at midnight?
That’s right, if you want to meet Mr. Right, you first have to be Ms. Right. That means you have to be jogging down Michigan Avenue by no later than 6:00 AM tomorrow.
Now do you see why you haven’t met him after a week of midnights at the bar? He’s not there. He’s at home, in bed.
Try jogging Michigan Avenue for a week and you’re likely to bump into Mr. Right and a couple of his friends. Try it for six months and you’re likely to become the sort of person Mr. Right is attracted to.
If that idea turns you off, you might not be as compatible with Mr. Right as you thought. Maybe he’s not so “right” after all.
My point is this, by developing a high degree of specificity with regard to the particular traits you are seeking in an ideal dating partner, you dramatically increase the power of the available techniques for locating Mr. Right.
The clearer your mental picture becomes of who Mr. Right is, the easier it becomes to know how to find him and attract him.
It is common knowledge among people in the sales and marketing industry that you have to start any marketing campaign with a very clear picture of your ideal customer.
I remember when I was starting out in private practice as a consultant and I read a book by a marketing expert who explained this concept clearly.
She said the people she consults with often feel frustrated at her request to identify a specific person of a specific age who lives in a specific zip code with a certain color of hair and a certain shampoo preference before beginning their advertising or marketing campaign.
She said these kinds of details seem ridiculous to the dentists and chiropractors and psychologists and other professionals she consults with because they anticipate seeing people of all kinds of personalities with all kinds of different shoe sizes and zip codes.
She then goes on to explain that the point of creating a clear picture of the ideal customer is really to open your mind to the ways you can find your ideal customer.
For example, a dentist who wants to make people aware of his teeth whitening services is more likely to have success by marketing to people reading this particular article simply because someone who is dating is more likely to be thinking about appearance.
As a result, the advertising dollars will have a much more powerful reach on this website compared to a website on training your dog to stop barking at cars.
By doing the mental exercise of identifying his ideal customer as a 31-year-old Caucasian female who is single and looking for Mr. Right, the ideas will naturally emerge regarding easy places to bring the marketing message in front of his ideal customer.
It may seem a little odd for you to get super specific about the traits and habits of a man you haven’t even met. But I would like to encourage you to bypass that discomfort for the very real benefits this exercise can yield.
Not only will you become more likely to think of ideal places for meeting Mr. Right, you will also become more certain about the kind of characteristics you are not willing to compromise on when it comes to finding an ideal partner.
Take a moment to think through the typical day of the kind of person you want to find. Is he affluent? If so, you are more likely to bump into him at the dry cleaners than at the laundromat.
Is he cultured? If so, you are more likely to meet him while mingling at a coffee shop just outside a symphony hall.
When? That’s right, about 15 minutes after the symphony performance ends. Now you’re starting to catch on. You don’t even have to go to the symphony if you don’t want to, though I’d recommend you go so you have something to talk about.
Does your ideal man have depth in his ability to process and talk about emotions? If so, are you more likely to meet him at a book club or a monster truck rally?
Any one of these questions has a little bit of power to it.
If you take a whole series of questions about the characteristics and habits of your particular version of Mr. Right, you’ll find the combined power of these questions begins to give you some serious insights about what you may have been doing wrong in your efforts to meet him.
Take the time now to jot down a list of 15 to 20 characteristics or habits you would like to find in a man you would be interested in dating. Then take that list and ponder the kinds of places and situations where such a man would likely show up.
Once you’ve found your ideal partner, you’re going to want every advantage for attracting his passionate love.