There are two common reasons a woman asks this question.
I can tell you a lot about your relationship depending on which reason is behind your question.
It’s normal to get a pit-of-the-stomach nervous feeling when you think about committing your life to someone.
Big decisions create nervous feelings even when you’re about to make the right choice.
On the other hand, emotions should not be ignored. They are sometimes trying to tell us something.
Emotions often alert us about things we know on an intuitive level but which we do not want to recognize as the truth.
How do you know the difference? How do you know the difference between normal nervousness from a big decision versus gut level instincts telling you to turn a different direction?
The best way to distinguish between these feelings is by asking yourself the following question. “Do I feel lonely when I spend time alone with him?”
If you do, the connection at the deepest level either never took root, or died off as you learned more about each other over time.
If you feel yourself longing to get out and be around other people when spending time with him, he’s not the one.
Now let’s turn to the other reason this question comes up.
As a dating and relationship coach, I frequently receive questions from women who notice their boyfriend or husband has become less romantic over time.
A change in emotional intensity is normal as a relationship matures. Your relationship will naturally shift through several stages.
As the relationship matures, the “romantic stage” comes to an end. Some women are sad or fearful during this shift because they wonder if his interest is dissipating. You may wonder if he intends to invest in you and treat you well in a long-term relationship.
Take comfort. The level of energy required for the romantic phase of a relationship cannot and should not realistically continue indefinitely.
For the two of you to become true life partners, the passion should always remain, but the expression of that love and passion will change as the relationship deepens.
Flowers, chocolates, and showing up unexpectedly as you leave work are fun, but this level of romance often precedes a phase of the relationship that involves a sense of “mutual ownership.”
In the, “mutual ownership” phase you move away from trying to impress each other. You move toward a feeling that the relationship is something you both own and feel secure in. He becomes comfortable in your presence and feels he can really be himself.
This could mean he flips on the TV and puts his feet up in your apartment rather than spending every moment of his visit following you around like a puppy.
If he is still treating you with deep respect and showing a continued interest in sharing his life with you, there’s no reason to bolt. You’ve probably found a good match.
If you’ve decided to invest your lives in each other, there’s something you should know. Love is never enough for a man.
There’s a missing ingredient if you plan to keep his love and commitment forever.