Confidence feels good. Men will tell you it’s one of the most attractive qualities a woman can possess. Confidence is King. This is a bold statement, yet it begs the question: Confident about what? Herein lies the problem.
People give useless advice like, “Just be more confident.” What is that even supposed to mean? And how do you do it? When you understand that confidence is a relative feeling, not a condition, you begin to learn that you can influence your own feelings of confidence. Learning how to manage your feelings (and the thoughts that drive them) is key. We are seeking a very specific end result -the feeling of confidence.
However, this feeling comes about as the result of the way you perceive yourself, your world, and your goals. Even though the goal is to increase your feeling of confidence, you cannot consciously control your feelings directly. Fortunately, you can control your thoughts directly, which means you can use your thoughts to change the way you feel. Heart shaped candy says, You and Me True confidence means you like who you are, regardless of whether others are impressed with who you’ve chosen to be.
More than anything else in this world, you have power and influence over yourself. How does this power and influence manifest in your thought life? Does your internal dialogue reflect a truly loving embrace of yourself? If you’re like many other women, the honest answer to this question will be “no.” Your internal critic most likely dominates many of the thoughts you hold about yourself. But, it doesn’t have to be that way for you.
When you think of how you treat yourself, and how you talk to yourself, ask yourself if you would ever treat your best friend that way. If the answer if no, why would you treat yourself that way? You are your own best friend, or at least you ought to be. Although you have the potential to be your own worst enemy, you must learn to choose not to be. To be successful in building your confidence, I want you to embrace the idea that it is okay to love yourself fiercely! Loving yourself doesn’t mean you quit work and spend the day eating chocolate.
True love embraces the whole person, both in their present form, and their future self. Really loving yourself could mean taking a break, or it could mean taking a vacation. Really loving yourself could also mean making yourself go to the gym to work out even if you don’t feel like it. It’s about doing what will ultimately build your quality of life. I challenge you to take a look within and answer this question: Are you loving yourself enough? My experience has been that people who love themselves feel more confident. When you love yourself, you’re not afraid to see your own faults.
Your imperfections don’t cause you to cringe and shut down your own thought processes to avoid the emotional pain of admitting you’re not a perfect person. When you love yourself, you can see yourself as a whole person, flaws and all, and still fully accept yourself without any need to wear blinders.
People who love themselves are generally better at loving others. Here’s another condition for building confidence: Focus on enjoyment rather than “success.” Your confidence will grow when you focus more on relationship experiences than on relationship outcomes. On a first date, your primary concern becomes having fun and making it enjoyable for the other person too.
This primary focus replaces the desire to impress the other person. Wanting to impress the other person has more to do with the future of the relationship than it does the unfolding experience of the date itself. The more you focus on future outcomes, the less confident you will feel. This is true in any area of life. The more you focus on things in the future, the less control you have. The less control you have, the more insecure you feel. To increase feelings of confidence, focus on what’s here and now. Focus on the experience of your interaction with people rather than making the right impression. Stop and really think about this for a moment.
What if you really and truly embrace this idea the next time you interact with a potential partner? Think about how free you would feel if you really let go of any control of future events. Think about how easy it would be to be spontaneous and let your fun, relaxed side emerge if you really focused on appreciating the relationship interaction for what it is at the present moment. You can do this! When you finally get the courage to talk to a man you’re interested in, he will feel like the luckiest man in the room. In fact, I’m confident he’ll find you irresistible!.