There’s a question I’ve had posed to me MANY times. Is it possible to make a marriage work when the love is gone, and all there is left is arguing and bitterness? They’re essentially asking, is resurrected love possible? Does God raise up love, after it has died?
I’ve written about this before, and my answer is still the same… YES. And here’s another testimony of that. I came across it in the devotional written by Nancy DeMoss, The Quiet Place: Daily Devotional Readings. In a portion of what she wrote, she gave this true account the following account.
“Jeannie and her husband were five or six years into marriage. And whatever feelings had once been there were long gone. Hate was not too strong a word to describe what raced through her heart whenever she was particularly angry with him. In a desperate attempt to salvage what little was left of their relationship, they planned a Valentine’s getaway and hoped something might spark. It didn’t.”
“Yet while forcing their way through a strained, disappointing weekend, with no storybook romance to come to their rescue, they did exercise the self-control and presence of mind to make one new promise together. They would stop speaking harshly to each other. It just wasn’t worth the effort and emotion anymore. Nor would they confide and complain to friends, ‘Do you know what he did? Do you know what she said?’ Surely they could do that much.
“Sometimes the big things really do come down to size when we start doing the little things —like not talking cruelly to each other, not unleashing our little put-downs, not giving unkind reports behind their back. At least that’s what happened in Jeannie’s situation. Six months down the line, they looked up from their once decaying marriage and found that God had indeed resurrected what was dead and dying. Twenty years later, their lives have become a picture of committed, joyful love.
“No, not every bad situation is sure to get better like this. But it will never happen unless someone is willing to surrender their rights even in simple, basic ways.”
And that’s so very true.
Someone has to be the hero, to replant seeds of love. Even if the other spouse never allows them to grow, we are doing what God would have us, when we participate in loving one another, as God loves us. And often times, that love, planted, watered, and patiently waiting for it to grow, ends up blossoming into more than we ever thought possible —something lovely, revealing and reflecting the heart of Christ.
I know. It happened to us. The picture in this blog is one of my husband Steve and I kissing. That kiss almost never happened. We were close to divorce earlier in our lives together. You can read about it in the article, The Love Story of Steve and Cindy Wright. But we aren’t alone in this resurrected love, as the testimony of Jeannie and her husband bring to light. (There are also others posted in the Saving My Marriage – Testimonies topic.)
What they did to help resurrect their marriage is something that Steve and I did. And then when I was praying about this blog, I came across something in one of my devotional readings, which reinforces this point and adds another. It was featured in the July 31, 2014 writing found in “The Word For You Today.”
Here’s a portion of what was written:
“Jesus spent much of His ministry tearing down barriers and building bridges. He did it through acts of love such as washing the feet of those who would fail and betray Him, eating with a tax collector everybody in town despised, and giving hope to a fallen workman that society condemned. The Bible says, ‘Peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness‘ (James 3:18).
“Words of peace are like seeds. They don’t produce fruit overnight, but slowly and silently they work their way to the surface, changing hearts, minds, attitudes, and futures.
“Doctor Robert Oppenheimer, the noted physicist who masterminded the first atomic bomb, was asked by a congressional committee if there was any defense against it. Addressing a hushed audience he replied, ‘Yes —peace!’
“Now, if peace can defuse an atomic bomb, think what it can do in the lives of the people you come in contact with! Jesus said, ‘Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.‘ Every day you’ll meet freighted, despairing, lonely, angry people who need a word of peace. Do you have one?”
Rebuilding Relationship Bridges
What about for your spouse and for the benefit of your family? How about calling a Truce, coming together to find ways to tear down walls and rebuild relationship bridges in healthy ways? And how about finding ways to encourage, be kind, compassionate, giving grace (as you want grace given to you) —speaking words of peace? It may be a sacrifice, but in giving it, you are being Christ-like. You will also be blessed. And who knows, maybe those kind words of peace will be the starting of a resurrecting marriage!
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.” (Matthew 5:9)